Some moments in life change you forever. Losing my mother to cancer was one of those moments. It shaped me, broke me, and ultimately taught me lessons I carry with me every single day.

She was only 54 when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer. At the time, I was living in Oklahoma City, recently engaged to a semi-professional hockey player, and working as a banquet server in the restaurant industry. My life felt like it was just beginning, full of excitement and possibility. Meanwhile, my mother, Peggy, was quietly facing a battle she chose not to share with my brother and me right away. That was just the kind of person she was—strong, independent, and fiercely protective of us.

She was a beautiful 5’7” blonde-haired, blue-eyed firecracker who lit up every room she walked into. Growing up in Jenks, Oklahoma, on a farm with four brothers, she learned resilience early. She was a tomboy at heart but always carried herself with grace. When she was finally ready to tell us about her diagnosis, she had already made the decision—she would fight. She underwent a mastectomy, though she only agreed to have one breast removed. She refused to let cancer take both. “I have such good boobs,” she’d joke. “I’m not taking both out—that’s my best attribute.” We would all laugh, but looking back, we wonder if that decision cost her more than she ever realized.

After chemotherapy and radiation, my mother was declared cancer-free. We celebrated, believing the battle was over. But life had other plans.

The Second Diagnosis & A Heartbreaking Loss

Three years later, life threw another devastating blow. My parents’ marriage, which had lasted nearly 27 years, ended in divorce. My mother was shattered. She had spent so many years as a homemaker, and now, she was forced to rebuild a life she never expected to face alone.

Then, shortly after, in December 2011, cancer returned—this time, with a vengeance. It had metastasized, spreading to her liver and lymph nodes. We begged her to fight as she had before, but deep down, we knew this battle would be different.

She went back to the same doctor who had treated her the first time, hoping for a plan, a solution—something to cling to. Instead, that doctor, without so much as meeting her gaze, told her she had three months to live. No hope, no encouragement, just a death sentence delivered in the worst bedside manner I’ve ever witnessed. I still see this doctor’s name on the wall when I go to my checkups, and every time, I cringe thinking about how many people she has stolen years—decades—of life from, just by the weight of her words.

We knew we had to find someone better. Someone who actually wanted to fight with my mom.

That’s when we found Dr. Panicker at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America. He was different. If one treatment stopped working, he immediately switched things up. He never let her spirits drop. He treated her like a person, not just a patient. One day, my mom even brought him a six-pack of Corona to treatment as a ‘Thank you’ for giving her hope and caring… and he just laughed.

And you know what? My mom didn’t just live for three months. She lived another four years.

Your doctor matters. The way they talk to you, the way they treat you—it all makes a difference. Hope is powerful, and the right doctor can help you find it when you need it most.

Lesson #1: You Can’t Take It With You

My mother was terrified of being poor. After her divorce, she saved every penny she could, afraid she wouldn’t be able to work again. She would put her car in neutral at stoplights and down hills to save gas. She never went on vacations. She refused to splurge on anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary. Even in her final days at hospice, she worried, “What if I live past 30 days and they start charging me extra money? What am I going to do?”

And then, on that 30th day, she was gone. The money she saved? It was left behind. My brother and I inherited some of it, but to this day, I’ve barely touched mine. If I could go back in time, I would beg her to spend it. To travel. To live.

This was one of the first things I changed about my mindset after her passing. I used to be the same way—always frugal, always saying no to little indulgences. I wouldn’t even spend $2 on a Dr Pepper because I thought it was a waste. But now? Now I know better. Money is important, but experiences and memories are priceless.

Lesson #2: Stress Will Destroy You

I firmly believe that stress played a major role in my mom’s cancer. She never let go of the pain from her divorce. She carried it with her every single day, letting it eat away at her emotionally and, ultimately, physically.

I’ve learned that stress is one of the most dangerous things we can allow into our lives. It doesn’t just weigh on our minds—it manifests in our bodies. After dealing with my cancer diagnosis in 2022, I’ve spoken with countless doctors, nurses, and specialists who all say the same thing: stress creates the perfect breeding ground for disease.

We have to let things go. We have to forgive. We have to move forward, not for the sake of others, but for ourselves. Holding onto anger, regret, and heartbreak only hurts us.

Lesson #3: Your Health is Everything

My mother was skinny, beautiful, and looked healthy on the outside. But on the inside? We had no idea what was happening.

She used to joke that she was so thin her knees knocked together. And because she was thin, she never worried about what she ate. Growing up, we always had dinner together at the table, but many nights, especially those last years, it was fast food. Burgers, fries, sodas—we lived off of it. If we looked good, what did it matter?

Even in her final days, she would call me and say, “Could you bring me a lemon berry slush from Sonic? A Big Mac from McDonald’s?” That was just how we lived. When I was diagnosed, I started digging into holistic health. I kept asking myself, How did this happen to me? I looked healthy—but clearly, I wasn’t. That’s when I realized that what you put into your body matters. I started changing my diet, and cooking meals I never would have considered before. I used to buy the cheapest groceries, never thinking twice about what was in them. Now? I see food as medicine.

Lesson #4: Faith Brings Peace

In my mother’s final years, something shifted in her. She wanted to go to church. She wanted to pray. She was scared, and for the first time, she was truly searching for peace.

Faith wasn’t something we grew up with deeply rooted in our family. My dad’s side had preachers, pastors, gospel singers, church musical directors, Masters Degrees, and more, but we never went to church consistently. It wasn’t until I got older that friends introduced me to faith and helped me understand that there is a bigger plan—one that we don’t always understand.

Before my mother passed, I watched her wrestle with fear. I saw her searching for something more. In those moments, I learned a powerful truth: Faith doesn’t take away our pain, but it gives us a foundation to stand on when life crumbles around us.

Even now, when I face my challenges, I turn to faith. I trust that even the hardest moments are shaping me, leading me toward something greater. We may not always get the answers we want, but there is always a lesson, always a blessing, if we are willing to see it.

Losing Her Changed Me Forever

When my mom took her last breath, she left behind more than just memories. She left behind lessons—lessons I had to learn the hard way.

• You can’t take money with you. So stop being afraid to enjoy your life
• Stress will kill you. Let go of what’s hurting you before it manifests in ways you never expected.
• Your health is everything. What you eat, how you live—it all matters.
• Faith is your anchor. Even in the darkest times, trust that there is purpose in the pain.

I wish I had learned these things sooner. I wish my mom had, too. But life has a way of teaching.

With Love,
Tiffany