Life’s Challenges: People Need One Another

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much people need one another.

Life can be rough. It can be rewarding. It can be absolutely amazing. And sometimes it can pull down even the strongest, smartest, and most capable people we know.

God gave us this life to experience it all: the good, the bad, the joy, the heartbreak, the celebrations, the disappointments, the relationships, and the struggles. Some of the challenges we go through are meant to teach us something. They make us grow. They change us. They make us more compassionate, more understanding and, hopefully, more Christlike.

But sometimes people get stuck.

And when someone you love gets stuck in addiction, mental-health struggles, depression, destructive behaviors, or just a really dark place in life, what do you do?

What do you do when you can see the person you love underneath all of it, but they can’t seem to find their way back to themselves?

I’ve been asking myself those questions lately.

I’ve recently had an experience with addiction and mental health that has opened my eyes to just how difficult it can be to help someone who isn’t in a place where they can recognize that they need help. You can make phone calls. You can ask professionals what to do. You can call friends and family. You can research treatment centers. You can try different approaches. You can pray until you don’t know what else to pray.

And sometimes you still feel completely helpless.

There are so many things people will tell you to do.

“Get them help.”

“Let them hit rock bottom.”

“Stop enabling them.”

“Cut them off.”

“Don’t answer the phone.”

“Give them space.”

“Call someone.”

“File a report.”

And sometimes those things may absolutely be necessary.

But what happens when the person you’re trying to help isn’t thinking clearly enough to understand that they need help?

What happens when you are watching someone you love make decisions that you know they wouldn’t normally make?

What happens when you are trying to navigate a system that is designed to protect someone’s rights, but that person may not currently have the mental or physical ability to care for themselves or understand the consequences of their actions?

You can find yourself feeling completely helpless.

I’ve spent countless hours on the phone, trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. I’ve talked to professionals. I’ve asked friends for advice. I’ve researched options. I’ve cried. I’ve prayed.

I’ve literally found myself on my knees, tears falling onto the bathroom tile, asking God to please show me what I’m supposed to do.

And eventually, you realize something really difficult:

You cannot save someone who doesn’t have the ability or willingness to save themselves.

That doesn’t mean you stop loving them.

It doesn’t mean you stop praying.

It doesn’t mean you turn your back.

It means you have to understand what is yours to carry and what isn’t.

I believe God can put the right people in our paths at the right time. I believe He can open doors we didn’t know existed. I believe sometimes the answer comes through a friend, a doctor, a stranger, a conversation, a treatment center or even a circumstance we don’t understand until much later.

We just have to be willing to listen.

And sometimes the only thing you can do is pray, pray, pray.

But What About the Person Trying to Help?

This is something I’ve really had to think about.

When someone you love is struggling, it is very easy to become completely consumed by it.

You stop sleeping.

You stare at your phone waiting for the next message.

You spend hours researching.

You replay conversations in your head.

You wonder if you said the right thing.

You wonder if you should have done more.

You wonder if you should have done less.

And suddenly, without realizing it, you are so focused on trying to help someone else that you have forgotten to take care of yourself.

But we can’t do that.

We are no help to anyone if we aren’t emotionally and physically well ourselves.

Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you don’t care about the person who is struggling.

Resting doesn’t mean you’ve given up.

Laughing with your friends doesn’t mean you’re ignoring the problem.

Going on vacation doesn’t mean you don’t love them.

Doing something that makes you happy isn’t selfish.

Sometimes it is exactly what you need so you can breathe again.

And lately I’ve been reminded how important those little things are.

Journal.

Write down the thoughts that are swirling around in your head instead of carrying every one of them around all day.

Start your morning with a devotional.

Read Scripture.

Pray.

Take a few minutes to sit quietly and breathe. Really breathe. Slow your breathing down and let your body calm down before you try to solve the world’s problems.

Get outside.

Go for a walk.

Exercise.

Garden.

Cook.

Read a book.

Ride a horse.

Travel somewhere.

Listen to music.

Call a friend.

Do something that makes you laugh.

Find a hobby that gets you out of your head and back into your life.

These things don’t make the problem disappear.

But they remind you that your entire life is not the problem you’re currently trying to solve.

There is still beauty around you.

There is still joy.

There are still people who love you.

There are still things worth experiencing.

People Need One Another

I think that’s one of the biggest things I’m taking away from all of this.

People need one another.

We weren’t created to do everything alone.

We need the friend who answers the phone when we’re crying (and more-so those that answer even when they are eating 😉)

We need the person who brings us dinner.

We need someone who will sit with us when we don’t know what to say.

We need people who will pray with us.

We need people who will tell us the truth, even when we don’t want to hear it.

We need people who will remind us to eat something, get outside and take a breath.

And sometimes we need professional help.

There is absolutely no shame in that.

Asking for help isn’t a weakness. Sometimes it is one of the strongest things a person can do.

But I’ve also learned that loving someone doesn’t mean I have to destroy myself trying to save them.

I can love someone and still have boundaries. I can pray for them and still protect my own peace. And I can refuse to give up on someone without allowing their choices to consume my own life completely.

Those things can exist at the same time.

And I think that’s an important distinction.

Don’t Give Up

I don’t know how every situation I’m facing right now will turn out.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.

I don’t know what the answers are going to look like.

But I do know that I don’t want to become a person who gives up on the people I love simply because loving them became difficult.

I want to keep praying.

I want to keep believing.

I want to keep showing love when I can.

I want to keep asking for help when I need it.

And I want to keep listening for God’s direction instead of believing that I have to figure everything out myself.

If you’re fighting for someone you love right now, I want you to know that you’re not alone.

If you’re watching someone struggle with addiction, mental health, depression or something else that feels bigger than you, I see you.

If you’re exhausted from trying to help, take a breath.

If you’ve been crying, it’s okay.

If you’re angry, it’s okay.

If you don’t know what to do next, it’s okay.

You don’t have to know the entire path.

Sometimes you just need to know the next step.

And while you’re fighting for someone else, don’t forget to fight for yourself, too.

Take care of your body.

Take care of your mind.

Take care of your heart.

Spend time with people who fill your cup.

Do the things that remind you who you are outside of whatever crisis you’re currently experiencing.

Because you cannot pour from an empty cup.

And maybe most importantly, don’t forget that tomorrow is another day.

One of my favorite verses has become especially meaningful to me during difficult seasons:

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
— Lamentations 3:22–23

They are new every morning.

Not every year.

Not when we’ve finally gotten everything right.

Not when we’ve solved all of our problems.

Every morning.

That means we get another chance.

Another prayer.

Another breath.

Another opportunity to love.

Another opportunity to ask for help.

Another opportunity to begin again.

So if you’re struggling today, don’t give up.

If someone you love is struggling, don’t assume that you have to fix everything today.

And if you’re fighting with someone you love, maybe reach out.

Maybe send the text.

Maybe make the phone call.

Life is short.

We don’t know how many tomorrows we have with the people we love.

So while we have today, show love.

Be kind.

Forgive when you can.

Ask for help when you need it.

Take care of yourself.

Have faith.

And keep going.

Because people need one another.

And sometimes, when we feel like we have absolutely nothing left to give, we discover that God has already given us enough strength for one more day. 🤍

Love always,

Tiffany